Jokes

"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but…

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is…

One day the tortoise met the elephant, who trumpeted, “Out of my way, you weakling – I might step on you!”. The tortoise was not afraid… One day the tortoise…

1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Be more or less specific. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Contractions aren't necessary. 5. One should never generalize. 6.…

A married couple was having a conversation. The husband asked his wife: “If I ever win the lottery, what would you do?” The wife’s respond was: “I would take…

  What topics do men discuss when fishing? Sports or other topics they find intriguing in their lives are frequently discussed. However, if the men are married,…

Jessie is telling Sam about the new mechanic in the neighborhood. "I'm telling you Sam, that's a mechanic you can trust!"…

  A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf. She asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object? “The clerk replies, “That is a thermos. “The…

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one…

    A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and…

*You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug *You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee *You've worn the finish off you coffee table…

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students, who was being extremely rude in class… So, one day she asked Little Johnny what his problem…

    A man and his wife are at a high school reunion…… and the husband keeps staring at a gorgeous drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table, glass after…

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher…

  A man returns home early from work one afternoon to find his wife spread out on the bed, puffing and panting.“What are you doing?” the man inquires. “Err,”…

Salesperson: "This is your lucky day! We have a special offer: Buy one, get one free!" Customer: "No thanks. I don't need two."…

   THE JOKE A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized…

It was three o’clock in the morning,… And the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off when a little old lady comes running towards her screaming.…

A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriend’s house and the girlfriend said to her mom, “Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room” and the mom…

I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow. I was beginning…