Jokes

On his first day on the job, the trainee dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side…

Little Johnny had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he’d make a deal…

Principal: "Billy, is it true that you called the teacher a big meanie?" Billy: "Yes I did." Principal: "And did you call her a wicked…

A bus full of nuns crashes and they all die and go to the pearly gates. There they are met by St Peter. St Peter asks the first nun: “Sister, have you ever…

Some geological engineers from the U.S.G.S. recently surveyed some property in New England and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border…

A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriend’s house and the girlfriend said to her mom, “Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room”… It was…

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their…

After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, maggots, think about this,"…

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk…

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Anti-proliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will…

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. he neighbour…

One evening a teenage daughter and her mother were out shopping when they stopped to make a purchase. The young girl greeted the cashier with only a “Hi,” then…

I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers. My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album one day. Picture after picture, we…

A guy goes on to a ship to sail (and work) but he notices no women on board.so he runs to the captian Guy: capt. capt.! theres no women on borad what will be do…

Three very mischievous old ladies are sitting on a park bench when they see an old man walk by. "Say, fella," the first lady says. "I bet we can…

A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man. Dr: I’ve got good new and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Patient: I guess the bad news. Dr: Well,…

A man and his wife are at a high school reunion… … and the husband keeps staring at a gorgeous drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table, glass after…

A sales rep for a publisher of accounting reference materials was talking to a customer about a guide to assist with preparing for an audit. The way she…

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I…

Nothing looks good on me anymore,” wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department store’s mirror. “Nonsense, ma’am,” soothed the salesclerk.…