Jokes

A man who drank alot was told by his wife “If you ever come home drunk again, I’m going to leave you”. Regardless, that night he went out to a pub and drank a…

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.The two were at the same table, across from one another.As the meal went on, he took a few…

When our son Jimmy went to Navy boot camp, we waited impatiently for word from him. Finally we received a post card telling us he was doing well and we…

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking old drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned…

sisters to sit on the sofa. The deaf sister said to her twin “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other. “Now get a little closer…

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table. Springing up, the doctor…

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,trying to decide who was the one in charge…… “I should be in charge,” said the brain ,“Because I run all the…

A man is shopping for a fishing pole at a small fishing and hunting shop; he chooses the largest fishing pole and goes to pay, upon which noticing that the shop…

My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my unit.When it’s flaccid you can only see WY. On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was…

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made…

A girl was having an affair while her father was at work.One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her father’s car pull into the…

One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so…

There’s a woman sitting in the vets with her small dog. A young girl, with a great Dane comes in and sits beside her. As they are waiting they strike up a…

The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball,a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her distinct lack of underwear.…

A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon. When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One…

The husband comes home and worried because he has a scratch on his chest caused by a fingernail from his mistress, opens the door seeing the cat asleep on the…

A New York businessman buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, throws it away. Next day, he does the same thing. This goes on for days. Eventually, the…

Three women worked in the same office with the same boss.Every day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left, they would…

A lawyer is talking to his client.He says, “I have good news and bad news.” The client says, “I could use some good news. What is it?”“Your ex-wife will not…

A rabbit walks into a grocery store. He bangs his paws on the counter and yells “a pound of carrots!” The shopkeeper says “I’ll get you the carrots, but please…