Jokes

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs.…

I was on a very crowded bus and an old woman with a walker gets on. All the other passengers proceed to file on and take up the remaining standing places but…

During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda…

  My wife and I got stuck in an elevator and when we got home, we told the story to our kids. They just looked at us and said. “Soooo….. …did ya get out?…

Out of breath, he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt? I’ll explain later.” The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,…

Fred was about to go on a hunting trip when he noticed his 21 year old son Jack walking up to him. "Hey Dad," Jack asked. "Can I go hunting with…

An 83 year old british gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. As he was fumbling in his bag for his passport a stern French lady asked if he had been to France…

They all arrive at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says “Let me ask you a question before admitting you to heaven.” To the first he says “My son, while on…

My wife and I have this running battle over the temperature setting for our air conditioning. She wants it set cooler. I want it set warmer. After a recent…

Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken. When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the…

Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route. When he gets to the very last house, he is…

A student asked the teacher, “What is love?” The teacher said, “In order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come…

YOU MIGHT BE A PREACHER IF... - You've dreamed you were preaching, only to awaken and discover you were. - A church picnic is no picnic. - You wish people…

Mr. and Mrs. Morrison were on a safari in Africa. As they were walking through the jungle, a huge lion comes creeping out towards them, ready to pounce.…

One evening a teenage daughter and her mother were out shopping when they stopped to make a purchase. The young girl greeted the cashier with only a “Hi,” then…

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial…

In my job with a delivery company, I was getting directions to a customer's home. The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center…

A man is driving down the highway when he sees a shipping truck wrecked on the side of the road, and 25 penguins waddling around outside it. He pulls over and…

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: “Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?”Dad: “Those are for the high-schoolers for…

Think About It... - Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. - What if there were no hypothetical questions? - One nice thing about…