Jokes

While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother Andy, 3, and pointed to her dad. "That's not your real…

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so…

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take…

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”…

I was walking through the store, and I kept hearing an annoying kid yelling, “Grandma!" I was walking past her when he finally found her. He said to her,…

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how…

The preacher was going for a dinner visit at the home of a family where the Dad was a member of the church but the mother was not. The mother was agreeable that…

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day,…

Officer: You were speeding. Man: No, I wasn't. Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket. Man: But I wasn't speeding. Officer: Tell that to…

"Do you remember first meeting your wife?" "Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if…

As Jenna waits in line at the grocery store, she can't help but overhear the conversation of the lady in front of her. "Don't forget to say thank…

A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap. “What are you doing in my fridge?”…

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and…

Three men are in the middle of a desert when their car breaks down. For their hike to town, they each decide to take one thing with them. One man takes a jug of…

Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!…

The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and so his mother ran out in the street yelling for help. A man passing by took the boy by his…

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and asked them to write the rest. As You…

The pope is early for his flight. He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he…

"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but…

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is…