Joke: Tips to Improve Your Writing

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

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2. Be more or less specific.

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3. Employ the vernacular.

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4. Contractions aren't necessary.

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5. One should never generalize.

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6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

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7. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

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8. Understatement is always best.

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9. The passive voice is to be avoided.

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10. Who needs rhetorical questions?

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11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

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12. Don't never use a double negation.

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13. Always pick on the correct idiom.

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14. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

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15. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

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16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

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17. The adverb always follows the verb.

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18. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

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19. Do not put statements in the negative form.

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20. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

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21. A writer must not shift your point of view.

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22. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

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23. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

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24. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!

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