Jokes

Top 5 Signs You Probably Should be Exercising More: Your five-year-old walking shoes look brand new. Underneath that pile of cobwebs is your rowing…

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to…

Mr. Johnson: "Honey, it's been a while since the Worthingtons have been over for a visit." Mrs. Johnson: "And I don't think…

Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations. The…

The manager of a restaurant called his wait staff together. "Okay, everyone," he said. "I want you all to look your best today. Greet every…

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the…

When a man's dog died, he took it to the local Baptist church. He asked the preacher if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the…

The chef at a hotel approaches the manager one afternoon. "Ma'am," she asks. "What might be the best way to announce dinner? Should I say…

Two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and…

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the…

A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a…

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh,…

At 3:00 in the morning, Laura woke up and gently tapped her husband on the shoulder. "Hector, wake up, wake up!" "Huhh?" Hector replied…

During dinner, Little Johnny's mother catches him feeding the dog under the table. "Johnny," she says sternly. "You know very well that…

A blonde is driving in her mini down the high way when she notices another blonde in a boat out in the middle of a corn field. The blonde in the boat was rowing…

  These three drunk guys decide to go to the joy house. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn…

Teacher: "Now Johnny, can you tell me some of your favorite numbers?" Little Johnny: "541, 29, 623, 188, 769 and 40." Teacher: "Very…

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the…

A police detective was at the house of a woman whose past three husbands had suspiciously died. "I heard your first two husbands died of food…

Three scruffy-looking bikers entered the truck stop where an elderly man was dining. The first biker chuckled and sat down at the counter as they passed the…